Divorce is one of the most stressful changes we can make in our lives. The family we’ve spent such a long time creating and nourishing is falling apart, and it is taking its toll on our emotional, mental, and physical health. If you’re the one who initiated the divorce, it can be even worse, as you may begin doubting your decision and yourself in general.
If you have children, the matter becomes even more complicated. You cannot think only of yourself, and you need to make sure that their world doesn’t come crumbling down. It’s a lot to think about, and you may feel overwhelmed. The key to getting through these undoubtedly trying times is to always be aware that what you’re feeling is natural. It happens to most of the people (if not everyone) who go through a divorce. To shed some light on the matter, here are some common psychological and emotional aspects of divorce.
The most common feeling that comes up in a process of a divorce is guilt. Everybody feels it. You may feel guilty for cheating or doing anything to endanger your marriage. If you’re not the one who initiated the divorce, you may still feel guilty for not working hard enough to keep your marriage together. If you are, it’s even worse, since in that case, you can feel the responsibility for breaking up your family. If you have children, you may feel guilty for causing them an emotional trauma and separating them from one of their parents. Even your children may feel guilty, as little ones sometimes assume that their parents’ divorce is their fault somehow. They may think that they misbehaved or made you stop loving them. It is a very unpleasant feeling, but it is also a completely natural one. The important thing you need to keep in mind at all times is that it’s not just your fault.
At this point in your life, you will feel anxious about the future. Everything you’ve worked so hard to build has fallen apart, and now you’re dreading what’s to come. You have to completely reorganize your life, and it’s scary. You may feel let down or inadequate, and everything seems like too much. Try to reduce your anxiety by trying to live as stress-free as possible. Find some good family law specialists to ensure the technicalities of your divorce go without a scratch, for starters. Introduce some good habits into your life – start doing yoga, for instance. Finally, be organized, so you have a solid structure to fall back on. Start meal prepping, so you have one less thing to worry about during the week, etc.
Depression after a divorce is very common, but the grief is present in virtually every divorce. No matter what the end was like, you are still separating from the person you loved and cherished enough to agree to marry them at one point of your life. Grief is completely natural and understandable, but it is very painful as well. Still, it is also healthy. It’s a stage you must go through in order to heal. If at one point it becomes too much, don’t hesitate to see a professional.
You may be angry even if nobody did anything wrong. Sometimes you’ll be angry at your ex, because of a variety of reasons. It doesn’t matter how objective the reasons are – the anger can be directed toward anything from him or her cheating to him or her not understanding your needs. This feeling can cause plenty of problems in the courtroom and even after everything is done. However, your feelings won’t give way to objectivity just like that, and forgiveness takes time. However, you do need to forgive your ex, and yourself as well. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself succumb to bitterness and it will reflect badly on your life and even your children’s lives.
If a relationship was very stressful for you, you may feel relief mixed with all the other emotions after the end. It doesn’t have to be an abusive marriage for you to feel better when it ends. Your ex may be a lovely person, but the simple fact of living with somebody who annoys you or judges your tastes and actions may be enough to create the tension. Once you get the divorce, you may notice that you feel lighter and more peaceful, because the tension of your marriage has disappeared. However, this doesn’t mean that you won’t be hurt or angry at the same time. Still, you can choose the aspect to focus on, and if there is a positive feeling to hold on to, the situation will be much easier for you.
Understanding your reactions and identifying your emotions correctly is the vital part of overcoming your divorce. Make a point of not giving yourself enough time to process everything that’s happened, and you’ll be just fine in the end.